


How I Really Met Your Dad

by crazyellephant



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, M/M, Malec AU, Malec have a talk with their children, Max is a little shit but I love him so much, Some mentions of alcohol and lap dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 13:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9387794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyellephant/pseuds/crazyellephant
Summary: Alec and Magnus tell their children how they really met.Malec AU





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a mini fic that I was going to post on Twitter. I can't help myself. Please enjoy the Lightwood-Bane fluffiness.
> 
> If you're going to live tweet tag me
> 
> Twitter: [elleRK17](https://twitter.com/elleRK17)
> 
> Or find me on Tumblr: [crazyellephantrambles](https://crazyellephantrambles.tumblr.com/)

A 19-yr old Rafael Lightwood-Bane sat on the couch with his hands covering his face. His father - Magnus - sat beside him, one hand rubbing circles on Rafael's back to comfort him.

Rafael groaned, the sound muffled.

"It'll be alright, Rafe." His father said, making Rafael drop his hands. His face contorted, red, his expression a mixture of embarrassment and anger.

"How, Papa? There's no coming back from this. It was so embarrassing." Rafael exclaimed, exasperated and defeated.

"Embarrassing is an understatement." His younger brother, Max, chimed in then shoved a spoonful of peanut butter into his mouth. "I mean," Max said after swallowing a mouthful. "It was bad enough that snot and milk came out your nose when you laughed at my joke in front of the girl you've been crushing on for the past year and everyone in the cafeteria. But to top it all off, you also sneeze farted after she asked if you were okay." Max said flinging his spoon around as he spoke.

Rafael, mouth agape, looked at Magnus, speechless, shocked and helpless.

"Max, you're not helping." Magnus warned.

"I wasn’t really trying to." Max admitted. "Papa you should have been there. It was so funny." Max added with a guffaw, sliding down the sofa to the floor as he laughed. "My drink almost came out of my nose. Luckily it didn’t. Coz that would have been embarrassing." He rolled his eyes.

Rafael smacked him in the face with a throw pillow.

"Alright. That's enough of that." Magnus separated the two before things got out of hand. Most of the time, his sons got along well. But they both loved to tease each other as well. And sometimes, like today, no matter how grown up they were, their teasing could get out of hand. "Max, be nicer to your brother." Magnus said with his stern, commanding voice.

"Yes, Papa." Max responded.

Before Magnus could speak, the three of them heard the front door open and close.

"Welcome home, darling." Magnus greeted his husband - Alec. "We're in the lounge." He added.

Max got up from the floor and greeted his dad as soon as the latter entered the living room. Rafael did the same but slumped back down on the couch beside Magnus again.

"Okay." Alec said looking slightly suspicious at his sons. "Rafe, you're too early for Sunday dinner. It's only Thursday." He said. Then paused. "Unless you've run out of food at your place again." He added.

Since he started going to University, their eldest son opted to stay in an apartment with his friends rather than at their home. Magnus and Alec were reluctant at first but eventually gave in. It was a good way for him to learn responsibility and independence. Mostly. He still went home when neither he nor his friends did their grocery shopping or when none of them could be bothered to cook. Or do laundry.

"Something happened." Magnus explained to his husband when Rafael didn’t say anything and before Max took the opportunity to embarrass his older brother again.

Magnus told Alec the story, their older son growing redder and redder by the minute as he relived the moment again, despite Magnus' efforts to make it as less traumatic as possible.

"It'll be alright, Rafe." Alec said in reassurance.

"Will it?" Rafael exclaimed. "Dad, I really, really, really like this girl. What if she's the one? And I blew my chances because she thinks I'm a disgusting loser all because of a stupid joke that you -" He glared at his younger brother "- said. You weren’t even supposed to be at the campus today."

The university was two blocks away from Max's school. Even if he was older and no longer living at home, Rafael still hung out with his younger brother. They were still best friends.

Max held both hands up. "Hey, I just wanted to have lunch with my older brother." He shrugged in defense. "Besides, that joke was funny. You laughed. Not my fault the other things happened."

Rafael pouted then threw both arms up in the air in exasperation. "Ugh! That was our first conversation.” He whined.  
“Why couldn’t I have met her like you and Papa did? Normally and kinda boring. In a café. Without any embarrassing anything happening. Just perfect."

Magnus sat up straighter. "I think it’s time your Dad tells you the actual story."

Alec looked at Magnus. Magnus cocked his head slightly towards Rafael, shooting Alec a look to make him start talking.

Max and Rafael looked at their parents, confused.

Alec sat down on the ottoman in front of Magnus and their sons, hands clasped together and his elbows resting on his knees.

"Dad?" Rafael asked.

Alec cleared his throat. "Your Papa and I didn’t actually meet at the café. That was our second meeting."

"But Aunt Izzy and Uncle Jace..."

"Told you what I told them." Alec finished the sentence.

Magnus gave his sons a reassuring nod.

"So you lied to them?" Max questioned.

"Not so much lied, as leaving some things out." Alec said, not looking his sons in the eye. "And technically, at the time that I told them, it wasn't a lie." He paused. "I didn’t remember the first meeting at the time. And then I just didn't correct it when I found out. Because reasons."

His two sons eagerly waited. Alec refused to look at his husband, whom he knew was already grinning.

"So how did you meet?" Rafael asked looking at Magnus then at Alec.

"We met two nights before in a bar called Pandemonium." Alec could feel his blush creeping in.

"It was one of the hippest places back in the day." Magnus added, smiling at his children.

"I thought Aunt Izzy said you didn't like clubbing or going to bars." Max wondered looking at both parents for clarification.

"I didn’t." Alec answered. "Still don't. But that night I had a very serious fight with your grandparents, your grandmother really. We used to drive each other up the wall."

"Which reminds me, I need to send Maryse some flowers. And maybe a bottle of scotch for Robert." Magnus interrupted. "I never did thank them for having that argument with you." He grinned.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I ended up at the bar. And I drank. A lot." He paused then looked at Rafael and Max, eyes piercing. "This is not permission for either of you to be drinking alcohol or going to bars."

"Dad, we're under age." Rafael said.

"Good. When it comes to alcohol and bars for you two, the legal drinking age is forty." Alec stated.

"Alexander." Magnus warned.

"Fine." Alec sighed. "Age 21. But you drink responsibly."

"Yes, dad." The younger boys said in unison.

"Now the story?" Max asked, slightly irritated.

"Stop delaying, Alexander." Magnus said.

"Alright." Alec gave in. "So I had one too many drinks. And Pandemonium was trying out Karaoke Open Mic night." Alec closed his eyes. "Now, I stress that neither of you boys will in no way replicate nor do anything remotely close to what I am about to tell you."

Rafael and Max sat up straighter, eager to hear what their Dad had to say. They had never seen him embarrassed like this.

Alec took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "So I went up to the stage. There was a full crowd. And sang two songs."

"Five." Magnus corrected.

"I can only remember two. So two." Alec insisted.

"Ask him which songs." Magnus instructed his sons. He grinned when his husband shot him a look. Alec shook his head, lips pursed. Magnus knew Alec was going to get his revenge on him at some point. He didn’t really care. This was too good.

"What songs, Dad?" Max asked, ever the obedient one in cases like this.

"Smooth by Santana with Rob Thomas..." Alec started, pausing to wait for a reaction.

"Good choice." His sons said. Both had a love for some classic songs.

"Great guitars on that. I mean, come on. Santana." Rafael added.

"What's the second song, dad?" Max asked. Alec wished discussion about the first song would have distracted his sons. But alas, his youngest was sharp on these things.

"I'm Too Sexy by Drop Dead Fred." Alec blurted out.

"It's Right Said Fred, darling." Magnus corrected.

"I don't really care." Alec said, shaking his head as he hid his face in his palm in shame.

Both boys’ mouths dropped. And then there was a loud guffaw, Max sliding down to the floor once again. Alec's face turned red.

"No. Really?" Rafael clarified.

"Yes, really." Magnus affirmed. "And he was very sexy. Too sexy even. Just the way I like it." He winked at Alec, who couldn’t help but smile back, red in the face. Much like Rafael.

Max stopped laughing. "Ew! Dad, Papa. Stop flirting."

"It doesn’t sound very embarrassing." Rafael commented, brows creased. "I mean, Papa clearly enjoyed it."

"It is when you're not used to doing those things." Alec said.

"Besides," Magnus said. "While singing that song, being true to the lyrics, he took off his shirt and did a lap dance - mostly for me - before throwing up all over yours truly. Completely ruining my favourite silk shirt and leather shoes." Rafael's eyes widened. Alec nodded, looking down embarrassed. "That part I didn’t enjoy very much." Magnus scrunched his nose. "And then I must have been allergic to something that was part of your father's dinner or something in the nibbles I ate beforehand. Either way, I got hives all over my hands and my face became swollen."

"We both ended up in the emergency room." Alec continued. "Me, for having too much alcohol in my system. Your Papa for the allergies, and also because he had had a couple of drinks, too. On top of the medications they gave him. By the time I woke up the next day, I couldn't remember anything so I just left and went to class."

"So that's still not embarrassing." Max said. "I mean, you couldn't remember."

"Oh eventually, I remembered." Alec admitted. "It was just unclear images at first. Until your Papa took me to Pandemonium on our third date." He blushed again. Then cringed. "War flashbacks. You'd think I would have gotten a clue before that when half the people in the campus - people I didn't know - were singing the Drop Dead Fred song whenever they passed me." Alec shrugged, shaking his head. “Thank goodness Youtube and videophones wasn’t that big a thing then.”

“I had to wait for the third date for him to catch on.” Magnus said.

“You remembered?” Max asked.

“I had a few drinks but not hammered enough to forget the previous night’s events.” Magnus told his son, flashing him a proud smile. “When you start drinking, hope that your tolerance for alcohol is like Papa’s not Dad’s, okay?”

  
Max and Rafael both nodded, smiling. Alec cleared his throat.

"The point to this story, Rafe." Magnus sat up, behaving himself. "Is that no matter how you meet, things will work out. Let her know that you are more than that embarrassing moment. Don't let it define you. It's not the end of the world."

"Besides, if it doesn't work out and she says she's not interested, you're still young. You'll find someone who will like you and look past the embarrassing things." Alec added, ruffling his son's hair.

Rafael nodded.

"Now would you like to stay with us for dinner and maybe watch a movie?" Magnus asked.

Rafael nodded again.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? Hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> I heard Smooth on the radio while I was driving today and I really wanted to see Alec sing/dance it. And of course that Right Said Fred song too. Someone make Alec dance/sing to those songs!!!
> 
> Special shout out to my [OctoAce](https://twitter.com/everydayfandom) and the Queen [Eydis](https://twitter.com/KalenasBigSis) thank you sooooo much for everything!
> 
> I do not own SH or TMI. But the plot of this fic is mine. All mine, my precious!


End file.
